Wreck The Tape Deck

Faith No More!!! fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes!!! they’re going to have trouble selling Saturday, but otherwise, hellz to the yeah, Coachella! break out the drugs, party people. jesus satan will see you in April. tickets go on sale Friday, Jan 22nd at 10am via Ticketmaster and the Coachella site.

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here is the annual fake Coachella lineup for 2010 (thanks Los Anjealous). jesus satan will shit his pants if Faith No More is there, and i’m guessing that a lot of these other bands are actually pretty solid bets. The xx, Major Lazer, and Vampire Weekend are all a given. Public Image Ltd is a good possibility, as is Devo, The Antlers, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Imogen Heap and La Roux. i also wouldn’t be surprised about LCD Soundsystem and Massive Attack, both have new albums coming out this year  - R.I.P. Jerry Fuchs : o (

if you want to follow the rumor action, Consequence of Sound is pretty mathematical about it… check out the real possible lineup here. Coachella goes off April 16th, 17th and 18th. get tickets here. (*UPDATE: the real lineup has been announced. check it here.)

Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

three overweight cops take down one neo-hippie and his very small penis.

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And it’s daunting… the schedule page for this year’s CMJ festival is just a mess, there’s an incredible amount of performers all week and the best way to narrow it down into something coherent is to pick a favorite venue and see what’s happening there all week. Here are some manageable schedules listed by venues I recommend:

Le Poisson Rouge (featuring Atlas Sound, The Very Best, Choir of Young Believers, Cymbals Eat Guitars, Miles Benjamin Anthony Davis)
The Music Hall of Williamsburg (featuring The Antlers, Fanfarlo, Atlas Sound, The xx)
Bowery Electric (featuring Angry vs. The Bear, Black Taxi)
Bowery Ballroom (featuring Fanfarlo, Midnight Juggernauts, Dolorean)
B.B. King’s Blues Club (featuring Raekwon, Busta Rhymes, Styles P and Kids in the Hall)
The Knitting Factory (featuring Miles Benjamin Anthony Davis, Wild Yaks)
Mercury Lounge (featuring The xx, Mumford and Sons, Dutchess and The Duke, Moondoggies)
Cake Shop (featuring Crystal Antlers, Kittens Ablaze)

BEST BAND NAME (involving cute animals burning): Care Bears on Fire
RUNNER UP: Kittens Ablaze

WTF is happening!? Why are there so many colors? All of this stuff happens within the course of 4 hours?? AHHHHHH why are kittens on fire!?!?!!

Still need help deciding? I understand, this is one of those moments where you’re presented with so many choices that you literally freeze up, go into shock mode, wet yourself, burn a kitten or 2 and end up doing nothing. Well Pitchfork also tries to make sense of things with their guide to CMJ here but beware, it’s still massive and somewhat confusing. Just change your trousers and get out there people.

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